Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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