had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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