he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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