i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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