I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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