they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
