I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
