If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
