You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
