Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
