life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
