Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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