threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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