Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
