We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
