She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
