she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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