then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
