I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
