Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
