I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
