so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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