no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize