I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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