We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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