we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
