Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
