um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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