Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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