direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
