i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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