In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
