So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
