SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
