just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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