I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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