3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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