well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
