well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
