You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
