ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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