great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
