it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
