My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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