I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
