She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
