My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
