On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm at about main and main street
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
