i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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