I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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