Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
