Got a toothbrush?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
