As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
