I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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