yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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