Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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