I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
