did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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