you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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