i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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