I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my shit smells like andre
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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