Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
