lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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