your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Small penises have feelings too.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
