WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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