just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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