Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
