hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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