You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
