Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
