You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
