Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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